After the First Date

Oh the agony!

You went out with someone and you had a good time.  Or maybe you had a terrible time.  What do you do or not do next?

1.  When do you text or call?  People have wasted years of their life trying to figure out the answer to this question.  The thing is, if you like each other, it isn't really going to matter when you get in touch (although sooner is probably better) and if the other person doesn't like you, again, it probably doesn't matter when you contact them.  Still, a good rule of thumb is probably to send a nice, short, polite message the same day thanking them for the date.  Try something like "Had a great time!" not "I just read a poem that TOTALLY reminded me of you!" The person who was asked out should probably do this, but don't get hung up on who's "job" it is to get in touch.  If you don't get a response, you can assume they aren't interested. Don't try another message. And then another.  If they don't want to talk to you, who needs 'em!

2.  On that note, what if they never text or call?  This happens all the time.  You think you had a great date.  Maybe you even kissed.  So you text them, "Had a great time!" and you get no response.  First of all, don't take it personally.  There are a million reasons someone might not respond or might not want to go out again, many of which have very little to do with you. Maybe they're seeing a lot of people and just decided to get serious with someone else. Maybe the date really didn't go as well as you think it did.  No matter what the reason is, don't get upset.  The whole point of dating is to have fun and if you had fun but the other person doesn't respond?  Be grateful that you had a nice evening and chalk it up to experience.  Most importantly, don't dwell on it. Book another date as soon as possible.  You don't want to go out with someone who isn't as into you as you deserve or who has major issues.  

3.  You don't remember the date.  Ok, seriously, you have a drinking problem.  Just kidding. This happens more often than we'd like to think.  If you have just met someone and you think you might like them, honesty MAY not be the best policy here.  No one wants to think their date ... can't remember a thing about them.  If you think you had a good time, then try to piece together the evening, using receipts if necessary.  And ask them out again.  And this time, only have one or two drinks.  If you don't like them when you're not tanked, they're not the one for you.  It really isn't a good idea to drink too much on an early date (or maybe ever). It can be embarrassing and uncomfortable. And it might be the reason they aren't responding to your morning after e-mails.  

4.  They are stalking you.  It's two days after you met for coffee and he has already sent you five e-mails and called three times.  You had a good time, but you're seeing two more people this weekend and you do not want an instant boyfriend.  Try being direct.  If they back off and you think you might still be interested, by all means agree to a second date.  If he DOESN'T back off or he gets angry, this is not someone you want in your life.  Block them from e-mailing, texting, or calling.  Someone who doesn't get the message after you have confronted them directly is not someone you want to see again.  This is not the type of attention you want.  
They can't possibly know you well so they can't have affection that is based in any kind of reality.  Even if it seems flattering, no offense but it's probably something they do, not your incredible charm.  Stay safe.  
5.  You had sex and you're embarrassed.  You know, everyone says don't have sex on the first date and it's not a bad rule of thumb, but there are plenty of couples out there who did just this and lasted.  So own it.  Act like it was totally normal.  Obviously you felt some kind of connection with the other person, even it was just physical, so it was probably a good date. You are not boyfriend and girlfriend.  On the other hand, don't blow them off just because of this.  If you feel too weird to go out again and they want to, be polite.  Always remember - it takes two to tango.  Neither of you are slutty - sparks flew and you went with it.
Be confident, be in touch with your feelings, and don't take anything seriously.  It was just a date. 



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Posted 05-28-2013 6:46 pm by