Have the courage to go for it.



Let’s say you met what you thought was an amazing new guy. Or you reconnected with an old flame and all the chemistry was still there.

You talked for hours over dinner and as you drove home, your heart was doing that little dance that only starts when romance is brewing. You text him thank you and he says you’ll have to do it again soon. You spend the next few days exchanging flirty texts and e-mails, but he never calls and he doesn’t ask you out again. Then it’s 3 p.m. on Saturday and he wants to know if you want to see a movie that night.

Now, you know he works hard and irregular hours, but really? 3 p.m. on Saturday? What’s the right thing to do? The Rules say no way do you admit you don’t have plans for that night. Your heart says even if you do all you want to do is cancel them and see him. You say you’re busy and ask if he’s free the next day. He agrees but cancels early the following morning. Now you’re grumpy and you’re bothered and you don’t know why you once again let a man affect your life.

Take a step back and think about a few things. First of all, a lot of modern relationships get screwed up by modern forms of communication. Reduce the texting and e-mailing. Try calling the person on the phone. You get a much better read on their state of mind. Most of us can tell, deep down, whether the person on the other end of the line wants to be talking. Frankly, if they picked up, you probably have it made. Next, and this may be controversial, if you want to see someone and you are free, then do it. Don’t bag your friends, but be confident enough to BE free at the last minute on Saturday night.

As you get older, you learn about balancing the excitement and potential happiness with the everyday, the way your life ticks along happily when you are single. There is value in what you do outside having a partner. You go to work, the gym, spend time with friends. This is your life. It’s not your life while you wait to meet the perfect man. You read good books and get involved in political causes. The great thing about this is that not only are you capable of being happy alone, but if a promising date doesn’t work out in the end, it isn’t the end of the world. Your Crossfit coach is still going to be psyched to see you at practice. Your friends want to have dinner with you even when he doesn’t.

The question becomes, then, do you need someone in your life. No, you don’t. But I have to argue that the excitement, the sharing, the smile you pop involuntarily when his e-mail comes in … is worth it. It’s worth a little anguish, some uncertainty, maybe even full-blown second date “why does my hair look like a chinchilla?” panic. It’s not worth giving up what makes you happy and what makes you you. But life can be pretty boring and pretty sucky sometimes so reach for the opportunity to make it shine just that much more brightly. It can be embarrassing and yeah, you can be wrong, but why settle for content when you might get fulfilled?

 

 

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Posted 10-07-2013 11:07 am by