Is dating like a job interview?

You have certain things about you that you see as assets and you want someone to see those assets and choose you as a result of them.

So yes, in many ways, dating is like a job interview. You screen potential matches, reject most, and make an offer to the one you want. But dating also includes an obvious emotional component that interviews do not. You can’t look at dating as a purely professional endeavor. This can be tough for people who are used to succeeding in business by working hard because you can’t master dating the way you can a job skill. Let’s look at the ways you can apply your business acumen to dating and when you need to drop the professionalism and go with your heart.

As you would not try to get any old job, don’t throw yourself at everyone. You don’t go through the classifieds in alphabetical order and apply to every job offered, do you? You carefully winnow down the possibilities and decide what job you have the skills to do and what you would like. Follow this model when you date. Don’t ask out every girl you see. Don’t accept every date you are offered online. Be choosy. It might boost your ego to be on a date every night of the week, but you want something more than this in the end. You won’t enjoy dating if you’re exhausted. You won’t meet the right person if you never narrow down the field.

Prepare for dating as you would prepare for an interview. When you go to a job interview, you look your best and you know what you want. The candidate who shows up in flip-flops and only has questions about paid vacation is not going to get a job. Put the same effort into dating. First, look good to feel good. Work out so you are fit and energetic. Buy stylish clothing that flatters you. Get a good haircut. Then, give yourself the best psychological advantage you can. Read your favorite poem or listen to your favorite song before a date. Exercise that day. Talk to a good friend and laugh before you run out the door. Make sure you are in a good place mentally before you start dating at all and before each date. These tips put you in the right frame of mind to meet someone and they demonstrate to your date that you are serious and respectful.

Get as much factual information as possible from your date. A good job interview is one at which you find out as much about the company as they find out about you. Physical attraction is an important part of a romantic relationship, but other things are as important. Do you have the same interests? Is his background compatible with yours? If you really know what the person cares about and values, you are more likely to be able to make a reasonable decision about whether they are a good match for you.

At some point, though, you have to give up the logic and the preparation and engage with someone emotionally. This is hard for those who are used to assessing things factually. A profit and loss sheet, annual revenues, the going rate for print advertising. These are all concrete things that you can learn about and master. Dating isn’t like this. No matter how much you study technique, read self-help books, and quiz the guy you’re seated across from, you’re not going to succeed unless you’re willing and able to put aside the facts and use your instincts.

In other words – don’t bring your CV to a speed dating event. You need to connect with someone on a personal level, not just impress them with your employment history or be impressed by her income. Don’t dismiss people right away because you think their hobbies are lame or because you don’t want to throw yourself on them after the first second. There are certain things about people that you can’t determine from facts on paper or a website. It might take a little time to get his dry sense of humor. You might not discover how kind she is to her friends in the first ten minutes of a date.

Look at it this way – if you could really figure out who was right for you based solely on the facts, you would just feed all your information into a computer and when it found your perfect match, it would spit out a pair of rings and a marriage license. You have to understand that dating is personal and get to the point where you are comfortable with that. You can still use your business acumen to eliminate fortune hunters and cheaters. You can totally promote yourself in a gentle way. But also let your personality show. Even things you might be self-conscious about can be endearing. Unlike in business, letting down your guard in dating is a good thing.

Yes, you want your prospective mate to hear what you’re good at and what you care about, but don’t make it a hard sell. in the end, dating isn’t a competition. It’s about making an emotional connection. If you sit there looking for what’s wrong with your date, you aren’t going to see what could be right. Listen to them. Try to enjoy their personality, whatever it is. Even someone you’ll never be attracted to has a story to tell. If you are willing to listen, dating is going to become a lot more interesting. And possibly fun.



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Posted 07-18-2013 8:04 pm by