Five Myths of Dating

1.  Men are intimidated by smart women.  

Secure men prefer smart women.  They are more of a challenge, more impressive, and more fun. It's boring to go on a date and be met with a blank stare when you mention Middle East Peace or the latest novel you read.  Think of the best dates you have experienced.  They weren't the ones where you sat in awkward silence looking at each other.  They were the ones where you actually bonded with the person about topics you cared about.  A woman who has wide-ranging interests and opinions is always going to be a better date in the long run.  After all, he isn't just looking at a photo - he actually wants to make conversation and perhaps share a future.  

2.  Men only like younger women.  The myth goes that men are hardwired to like younger women, that it is somehow instinctive to prefer them.  In reality, men like women they find attractive and to whom they can relate.  This is just as likely (and maybe more so) to happen with a woman of the same age or older.  Sure, a younger woman might not have any gray hairs, but appearance is only part of the package. Men really want women with whom they can identify - someone they can talk to and feel comfortable with.  This is a lot more likely to happen when both partners are close in age.  If a potential partner does not share the same frame of reference you do, it can be hard to connect.  When you mention a movie you loved as a teen, it is a little freaky to find out your date was in kindergarten the year it won the Oscar.  

3.  You should never mention your ex.  Don't spend the whole first date talking about your ex-husband, but in order to really understand someone's past, you have to know about exes. Past dating history is part of what makes you who you are today. Although exes don't need to feature in every conversation, it is good to talk about past relationships as a way to get to know each other.  Don't go overboard and mention embarrassing specifics, but do share what you have learned from past romances.  Be honest about who you are - this includes your past. This does not mean you ask someone how many people they have slept with on your first date. But feel free to mention the boyfriend who taught you to snowboard if your current date suggests that as an activity.    
4.  Never be needy.  Obviously, you don't want to be clingy and call someone five times per hour.  But truly needing someone to be a partner and help with life's difficulties is one of the great benefits of a relationship.  If you can't share your insecurities and frailties with your significant other, you won't have a very deep or stable relationship.  You don't want to call your girlfriend or boyfriend with every tiny issue, but you should be able to lean on them through a parent's illness or a job loss. Trying to be entirely independent will only lead to frustration for both of you.  After all, why even date someone if you can do everything alone?  

5.  You should friend a date on social media.  This is a tricky one.  It seems like it is a good way to get to know the person better, but in reality you aren't actually friends after a couple of dates - you just can't know that much about someone so quickly.  As a result, this this behavior can lead to problems.  It gives you the sense that you know the person better than you really do.  You don't want your date to make assumptions about you based on your social media presence - it can lead to false expectations. Social media can also promote jealousy if you see your last night's date is out with someone else or they post a photo with an opposite sex friend.  Wait to be Facebook friends until you really play a part in your partner's life. 



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Posted 05-16-2013 3:43 pm by