Don't waste your time.



There are so many great things to do with the free time you have in your life. 

Don’t waste your time trying to win over the wrong person. When you are getting to know someone, it’s ok to get mixed messages sometimes, but here are some tips to help you exit a fledgling relationship before it drives you crazy. If she’s not into you, it’s not worth trying to change her mind. Find someone who likes you as much as you like her. If you’re quizzing ten friends about whether she wants to keep dating you, chances are not on the same wavelength – so find someone who is. Here are some guidelines that might help you make the decision whether to stay or go.

1. She says you’re perfect … for her best friend. If the girl you are interested in wants to set you up with someone else, she is so, so not into you. I hope this hasn’t happened to you, but if it does? Stop seeing her. If she likes you at all, she won’t want to shut down the possibility of the two of you getting together so she won’t mention any other women. Sorry, but talking about females other than her as right for you is the kiss of death.

2. He never touches you. If you are on date three and he hasn’t kissed you, it is possible he just likes to take things slow. But pay attention to other physical signs. Does he guide you into the car by touching your lower back. Did he reach for your hand in the middle of a very personal story? Does he touch you for emphasis? When someone is interested in someone else, even if they don’t make an overt move, they almost always make contact in some way. If he sits on the opposite side of the table, doesn’t walk you to your side of the car, and refrains from all other touching, he may like you as a person, but he probably isn’t interested in romance.

3. She doesn’t talk to you. If a girl is excited about a boy, she almost certainly will want to talk to him. If every time you call her you get a short text in return, she probably isn’t very interested. Yes, some people refuse to talk on the phone (which may be another problem), but most are willing and even excited to talk to someone they’ve just met and are interested in. Consider the numbers. If you’ve sent ten texts this week and called twice and received three texts in return, you may want to throw in the towel. You shouldn’t be making a lot of effort while she is ambivalent.

4. He acts like you’ve been best buddies for ten years. I know – you want to be comfortable in love. It can be really wonderful to be able to kick back and be yourself when you meet the right person. But this can go too far, too fast, and when it does it probably means he doesn’t think of you in a romantic way. Some clues – he doesn’t dress up for dates. He answers the phone while you’re at dinner. You only go to casual venues on dates, never anything special. He doesn’t censor his noises or smells. Do yourself a favor – quit him and find someone who respects you enough to try to impress you.

5. She never has time. Yes, there are things that make someone legitimately unavailable – illness, death, and other serious events. But generally, if someone is dating and yet they never seem to have time to go on a date with you, you should probably not try too hard to get them to pencil you in. If she cancels your second date twice, if she fits you in for a half-hour lunch on your third date, or if she bolts after dinner, just concede that she is not your one and only. This type of partial reinforcement can be especially hard to deal with because she is seeing you, just not in a way that indicates a strong interest. Be self-confident enough to realize you need more and stop trying with her.

6. You haven’t met anyone else in his life. Do not expect to be introduced to his friends and family after two dates. But if you’ve been dating for awhile and he has either never mentioned friends or family or you have mentioned them and he has made excuses, be prepared to give up on him. Someone who wants to be your boyfriend will want you to be more involved in his life. He’ll want to show you off and have people meet the girl he might be serious about. Yeah, maybe he likes you but if he doesn’t like you enough, don’t waste your time. If he’s hedging his bets, you don’t want to be part of that.

Dating is an uncertain proposition. It is hard to tell whether or how much another person cares for you. But do yourself a favor and don’t waste your affections on people who will never be able to return them. If the person you’re dating manifests the traits discussed here, indulge in a little sadness, but more on before you get stuck.

 

 

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Posted 01-27-2014 3:30 pm by